Paranoid Putin’s strange toilet protocol

Everyone knows that Russian President Vladimir Putin is very paranoid about his health and his safety. However, recently, some of his bathroom habits were revealed that show the extreme lengths he is willing to go to "protect" himself.

And while it’s no secret that the world of politics can be very filthy, Putin's latest paranoia really takes things to the next level.  However, if you’re part of Russia’s presidential staff, some of your responsibilities can quite literally stink to high heaven.

French magazine Paris Match reported that Russian President Vladimir Putin has his bodyguards do a different type of dirty job when he’s visiting inside and outside Russia.

According to Paris Match, and cited by Business Insider, the Russian President requires agents from the Russian equivalent of the Secret Service to pick up his solid toilet waste when he travels around.

Putin’s 'internal matters' are allegedly sealed in a specialized packet and then returned to Russia in a briefcase, to not arouse suspicions.

BBC journalist Jonah Fisher shared back in 2019 on Twitter (now X) a video where Putin goes to the restroom with six bodyguards, including a sour-looking agent carrying a conspicuous briefcase.

Image: JonahFisherBBC / X

Before you think Putin is suffering from some obsessive-compulsive disorder, Howard Hughes-style, the Russian president has a perfectly reasonable explanation for travelling with his 'number twos' in first class.

According to the Paris Match article, Putin is afraid foreign governments will study his stools to know more about his personal well-being.

Not only that, but there’s also speculation that Putin is afraid of leaving behind a DNA sample (among other types of samples) that could reveal anything about his present or future health.

After all, for years there were rumors that Vladimir Putin was going through some sort of cancer or other serious condition.

Business Insider, however, highlights that so far there have not been any credible sources informing that Putin is ill. Though, knowing Putin, he's not exactly known for his transparency.

Russian journalist Farida Rustamova, who has worked for Meduza and the BBC, writes in her Substack that Putin’s biomaterials are protected as top-secret information.

Rustamova believes all bodily fluids are probably destroyed on the spot, rather than brought back with Putin.

For example, on the very few occasions Putin drinks from his thermos cup, his staff makes sure to pick it up, lest he leaves saliva and fingerprints behind.

Putin has also been rumored to travel carrying his own personal portable toilet, which must be set up wherever travels abroad.

Rustamova highlights that this type of waste extraction is not an unusual practice among world leaders, but Putin’s paranoia has apparently taken it to the next step.

The BBC comments that, during a 1949 Moscow visit by Mao Zedong, Soviet agents would connect the Chinese leader’s home toilets to special boxes to take to a laboratory to analyze.

Business Insider writes that, during the Cold War, British agents in East Germany would go through used toilet paper, knowing that Soviet troops would regularly use discarded documents or personal correspondence.

The CIA is not above getting their hands dirty. The Huffington Post points out that it is believed that intelligence operatives analyzed Mikhail Gorbachev’s during a Washington trip in 1987.

The New York Post reveals that Mossad agents took advantage of Jordan’s King Hussein funeral in 1999 to collect a sample of ailing Syrian President Hafez al-Assad, the father of Bashir al-Assad.

Finally, to show world leaders are not that different, the Daily Kos website reported back in 2007 that George W. Bush allegedly had a portable toilet travel with him during a visit to Austria.

Well, you know what they say, the world of politics of full of mudslinging and smear campaigns!